Toxic

I feel toxic.
I leave a trail of destruction in my wake
and I don't know how to stop.
I wonder if it is selfishness
or a narcissistic need to fulfil my own self worth.

I cannot see the good in me anymore.
It is clouded by my greed.
Drowning in my desires
I am grasping for air.

Begging to see the light.
Hoping for redemption.
But I do not deserve forgiveness.

The guilt I feel is not my own.
And the pain of loss is someone else's.
And there lies my fundamental problem.
I should repent and come clean
But the hate I feel is for myself.

When morning comes
I fear it will be too late
To take back what has been done,
To start anew,
For the damage has already been done.

April 2013