Sunday, March 18, 2012

The government needs to stay the fuck out of my uterus . . .

And this is why I don't get involved with politics.  In fact, I go to great lengths to avoid the never good news channels and I refuse to listen to the string of lies that stream from political candidates mouths.  But I can no long sit quietly, content to be ignorant while the female form is attacked right and left all across our nation.  It is very disconcerting, especially during an election year and I almost feel like it might be backlash from the last presidential election fiasco.  But then again that is just my own personal conjuncture.  But I diverge. 

My interest was peaked, however, a few weeks ago when Rush Limbaugh's attack on women went viral across the web. Women who use birth control are all sluts and prostitutes according to Limbaugh and if we chose to use birth control then we might as well video tape ourselves having sex and post it on the internet for everyone to see since tax payers are paying for us to have sex after all.  Says the man who has been married four times with all his previous marriages ending in divorce.  I have very mixed feelings about the fact that my alma mater Hillsdale College is a Limbaugh supporter.  But that is neither here or there. 

And Limbaugh isn't the only culprit.

I guess I thought the women's rights movement of the sixties had paved the way for women to chose how and when they wanted to have children.  I thought we had socially evolved beyond the desire to keep women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.  Women hold positions of power, are CEO's, advance up the ranks of the armed forces, serve as doctors, lawyers, judges and hold political positions right?  Feminism is socially acceptable.  Right?  But if I didn't know any better I would think it was still 1950 and all women were still supposed to be stay at home mothers whose job it was cook and clean and serve their husbands as they popped out as many children as possible.  Women who do not desire to serve their men and children are all just sluts and prostitutes.  There proper place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen remember?

Barely people at all. 

Georgia Representative Terry England proposed House Bill 954, which would make it illegal to obtain an abortion after 20 weeks including removing stillborn fetuses.  It would force women to carry a still born fetus to full term and endure agonizing labor to give birth to an already dead child.  He equated women to farm animals.  He grew up on a  farm and well that is how they did it with cows and pigs so it should work just fine for women too, right?

If we aren't sluts we must be farm animals. 

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and Alabama Senator Clay Scofield proposed a bill that would force women who wanted to have an abortion to an extremely invasive transvaginal ultrasound so that they can view their child and empowering then to make the most informed decision possible about their fetus. To give informed consent they must undergo a dangerous and invasive procedure against their consent.

They are just women, we don't need their consent. 

California Congressman Darrell Issa didn't think a panel convened to discuss a mandate that insurance companies cover birth control pills should include any women or allow any women to testify.  An all male clergy panel was sufficient since they were not discussing reproductive rights after all but merely freedom of religion.

Clearly women could not have anything productive to say about religion.  Not like we allow women in our clergy anyways.

Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum referred to his wife as "the rock which I stand upon".  I hope she has a strong back!

And the one I have found most disturbing: A proposed Arizona law would allow employers to require female employees to provide medical evidence that they are using birth control pills for "non-sexual" purposes.  Not only can employers pry into the personal sexual lives of their female employees but they would be able to fire them for having sex in the first place.  Men of course are excluded here.  They can have sex when and where and with whomever they want.  No questions asked.

So women are only allowed to have sex if they are going to pop out a baby in return.  It's not like our planet is over populated or anything.  Not like we don't have fourteen-year-old girls having babies that they can't support.  Don't worry they don't have to. The government will support them.  Have a few more and the government will give you even more money.  You can sit around all day eating Cheetos and watching soap operas while the rest of us work to support your ass.

I'm sorry.  I was starting to get angry there.  That is just it though, I am pissed off about all the woman bashing circulating around Washington.

I have pretty much considered myself a feminist since college.  And while my husband and I are on the same page most of the time when it comes to women's right and equality and pulling our own weight around the house and all that good stuff, he was and still is very pissed off that I refused to completely give up my maiden name.  In fact, my father was also upset with me.  But here is the thing, I could not give up that part of me.  I had a crisis of identity after I got married.  I had been Laura Branning for 27 years and was not willing to completely abandon that part of me.  I could not just become Laura Smith.  Not only is it a completely boring name (and not Irish in any way, shape or form) but it wasn't me.  I wasn't just a piece of property that was being bartered.  My title wasn't going to be transferred from my father's name into my husband's name.  So sorry.  Too bad. 

And guess what, I have been on birth control pills since I was sixteen-years-old.  I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and my gynecologist recommended birth control pills to help prevent me from developing cervical cancer.  I have never been pregnant.  And frankly I don't think I want to reproduce at this point.  I am pretty sure my husband and I have decided that children are not for us and we will have nieces and nephews that we can spoil and send home.  Besides my brother and sister-in-law make beautiful babies!

And *gasp* my husband and I have sex.  And *gasp* he isn't the first man I ever had sex with.  But I am a woman.  I shouldn't have sexual rights or freedoms.  Or at least I shouldn't talk about them right.  The only reason I should want to have sex is to have babies right.  

So I guess that means I am a slut right?  A prostitute?  So who wants a sex video?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Face Shredding Didn't Suck After All!

Unfortunately, I had to come back to reality after 9 blissful days of no work or school spent visiting with friends and family in good old Canton, Ohio.  I enjoyed my spring break so much, that upon arriving back in Hillsdale, Michigan I informed my husband he would be locating a job in Canton as soon as possible.  Moving home is no longer just an idea that Andy and I have been tossing around since Christmas.  It is a plan.  It will happen.  And soon.

So I discovered that even metal music can not only be tolerable but quite enjoyable with a little (or more like a lot of) liquor.  My brother managed to convince me to buy a liter and a half of Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum as well as a liter and a half of Pinnacle Whipped Vodka for his birthday celebrations!  Shane and I decided pre-gaming it up before the concert was the best option and proceeded to match one another shot for shot!  Sarah had agreed to be our designated driver for the night so Shane and I were free to drink ourselves stupid.  And we did.  Shortly before it was time to leave, Shane's neighbor Ryan shows up with a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey.  We get the bright idea to to mimic the 4 horseman shot and created what we dubbed the Triforce Triskellion.  Surprisingly, it was delicious . . . unfortunately, it was 6 shots later in 15 minutes delish!  By the time Sarah managed to stuff Shane and I into her car we were beyond thrashed!

                                                   Dangerous, Deady, Delishish Deviance!

Ryan made the comment that if you puke your not Irish!  I managed to match my brother shot for shot the entire night and I never puked once.  I didn't move from the couch until almost 3 p.m. on Sunday but I never threw up.  Shane, on the other hand, managed to puke behind a very disgusting dumpster at an extremely shady Circle K in a not so nice area of Akron, at the not so well kept bathroom in Peabody's, behind a tree in some very nice families yard, all over his and Sarah's bed and managed to make it into the toilet a few times as well. 

He is going to kill me when he reads this by the way! 

But we had a blast!  Sarah and him know way more about me then they ever needed to thanks to my liquor induced verbal diarrhea and I survived my first face shredding metal concert!