The more things change . . . The more they change

So I know I have not blogged in a really long time. I have been busy. I have been stressed out. I have not had time or really a desire to blog about anything. But so much has happened in my life this year. So much has happened in the last month. My marriage has gone from one extreme to another in the short span of 9 months and if it were not for my wonderful, caring, understanding husband loving me so much I don't know where I would be right now. Over these last few months he really has become my best friend. He truly loves me for me despite my flaws and issues and imperfections. He accepts them and doesn't judge me and we are a team. A real team finally. And I love him more and more each day. He has been there for me through my worst and still loves me. I can't say that about many people in my life. When I am down he lifts me up. He is there for me to vent to when I am frustrated and doesn't take offense. Without him in my life I would be lost. He is my rock. He is my strength when I am weak. My light in the darkness. My best friend. My love. Thank you baby!

I am a horrible blogger!

Okay, okay so I know it has been months since I blogged about anything.  I am horrible at this shit!  But in my defense I started out at the new year and then the worst semester of my life hit me square in the face!  Who thought working a forty hour work week and then taking two science labs Monday through Thursday nights at 6:00 p.m. would be so damn hard?  Sure not this girl!  But I survived and even managed to keep up my GPA.  Granted the house was a disaster area, I had forgotten how to cook and my marriage was in shambles.  Yes, I know my semester ended a month and a half ago and I am taking the summer off.  Frankly, I was too depressed to write about anything that wouldn't end in my whining like a baby about how much I hated my life.  Things were bad.  Things were bad at home, in my marriage, financially and in my head.  I was eating like crap and gained weight back.  I wasn't exercising.  All I did was lay around the house and be lazy.  I must say I have read like 10 books though since the end of April.  But I am pretty sure that is the only achievement I can claim for this summer. 

So I got my act together.  Started eating better and working out again and managed to drop twelve pounds for my friends Kat and Joel's Louisville, KY wedding.  I started cooking dinner again and manage to clean the house at least once a week.  The dishes and laundry get put away now and my husband and I are really working on our relationship.  I feel better.  And I feel like writing again!

My summer and fall seem to be filling up fast though as I get ready for my little brother's wedding!!!  He proposed to Sarah while they were on vacation in North Carolina a few weeks ago and are planning a December wedding.  Sarah asked me to be her matron-of-honor and I am so excited to be a part of their big day.  Plus it is another excuse to buy a pretty dress and matching heals!!! 

I think I am going to dig through some of my old writing notebooks and see if I have anything good in there to share with my readers . . . because I have so many I am sure!  Or maybe I can rework some not so great pieces . . . we will see what happens!

The government needs to stay the fuck out of my uterus . . .

And this is why I don't get involved with politics.  In fact, I go to great lengths to avoid the never good news channels and I refuse to listen to the string of lies that stream from political candidates mouths.  But I can no long sit quietly, content to be ignorant while the female form is attacked right and left all across our nation.  It is very disconcerting, especially during an election year and I almost feel like it might be backlash from the last presidential election fiasco.  But then again that is just my own personal conjuncture.  But I diverge. 

My interest was peaked, however, a few weeks ago when Rush Limbaugh's attack on women went viral across the web. Women who use birth control are all sluts and prostitutes according to Limbaugh and if we chose to use birth control then we might as well video tape ourselves having sex and post it on the internet for everyone to see since tax payers are paying for us to have sex after all.  Says the man who has been married four times with all his previous marriages ending in divorce.  I have very mixed feelings about the fact that my alma mater Hillsdale College is a Limbaugh supporter.  But that is neither here or there. 

And Limbaugh isn't the only culprit.

I guess I thought the women's rights movement of the sixties had paved the way for women to chose how and when they wanted to have children.  I thought we had socially evolved beyond the desire to keep women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.  Women hold positions of power, are CEO's, advance up the ranks of the armed forces, serve as doctors, lawyers, judges and hold political positions right?  Feminism is socially acceptable.  Right?  But if I didn't know any better I would think it was still 1950 and all women were still supposed to be stay at home mothers whose job it was cook and clean and serve their husbands as they popped out as many children as possible.  Women who do not desire to serve their men and children are all just sluts and prostitutes.  There proper place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen remember?

Barely people at all. 

Georgia Representative Terry England proposed House Bill 954, which would make it illegal to obtain an abortion after 20 weeks including removing stillborn fetuses.  It would force women to carry a still born fetus to full term and endure agonizing labor to give birth to an already dead child.  He equated women to farm animals.  He grew up on a  farm and well that is how they did it with cows and pigs so it should work just fine for women too, right?

If we aren't sluts we must be farm animals. 

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and Alabama Senator Clay Scofield proposed a bill that would force women who wanted to have an abortion to an extremely invasive transvaginal ultrasound so that they can view their child and empowering then to make the most informed decision possible about their fetus. To give informed consent they must undergo a dangerous and invasive procedure against their consent.

They are just women, we don't need their consent. 

California Congressman Darrell Issa didn't think a panel convened to discuss a mandate that insurance companies cover birth control pills should include any women or allow any women to testify.  An all male clergy panel was sufficient since they were not discussing reproductive rights after all but merely freedom of religion.

Clearly women could not have anything productive to say about religion.  Not like we allow women in our clergy anyways.

Republican Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum referred to his wife as "the rock which I stand upon".  I hope she has a strong back!

And the one I have found most disturbing: A proposed Arizona law would allow employers to require female employees to provide medical evidence that they are using birth control pills for "non-sexual" purposes.  Not only can employers pry into the personal sexual lives of their female employees but they would be able to fire them for having sex in the first place.  Men of course are excluded here.  They can have sex when and where and with whomever they want.  No questions asked.

So women are only allowed to have sex if they are going to pop out a baby in return.  It's not like our planet is over populated or anything.  Not like we don't have fourteen-year-old girls having babies that they can't support.  Don't worry they don't have to. The government will support them.  Have a few more and the government will give you even more money.  You can sit around all day eating Cheetos and watching soap operas while the rest of us work to support your ass.

I'm sorry.  I was starting to get angry there.  That is just it though, I am pissed off about all the woman bashing circulating around Washington.

I have pretty much considered myself a feminist since college.  And while my husband and I are on the same page most of the time when it comes to women's right and equality and pulling our own weight around the house and all that good stuff, he was and still is very pissed off that I refused to completely give up my maiden name.  In fact, my father was also upset with me.  But here is the thing, I could not give up that part of me.  I had a crisis of identity after I got married.  I had been Laura Branning for 27 years and was not willing to completely abandon that part of me.  I could not just become Laura Smith.  Not only is it a completely boring name (and not Irish in any way, shape or form) but it wasn't me.  I wasn't just a piece of property that was being bartered.  My title wasn't going to be transferred from my father's name into my husband's name.  So sorry.  Too bad. 

And guess what, I have been on birth control pills since I was sixteen-years-old.  I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and my gynecologist recommended birth control pills to help prevent me from developing cervical cancer.  I have never been pregnant.  And frankly I don't think I want to reproduce at this point.  I am pretty sure my husband and I have decided that children are not for us and we will have nieces and nephews that we can spoil and send home.  Besides my brother and sister-in-law make beautiful babies!

And *gasp* my husband and I have sex.  And *gasp* he isn't the first man I ever had sex with.  But I am a woman.  I shouldn't have sexual rights or freedoms.  Or at least I shouldn't talk about them right.  The only reason I should want to have sex is to have babies right.  

So I guess that means I am a slut right?  A prostitute?  So who wants a sex video?

Face Shredding Didn't Suck After All!

Unfortunately, I had to come back to reality after 9 blissful days of no work or school spent visiting with friends and family in good old Canton, Ohio.  I enjoyed my spring break so much, that upon arriving back in Hillsdale, Michigan I informed my husband he would be locating a job in Canton as soon as possible.  Moving home is no longer just an idea that Andy and I have been tossing around since Christmas.  It is a plan.  It will happen.  And soon.

So I discovered that even metal music can not only be tolerable but quite enjoyable with a little (or more like a lot of) liquor.  My brother managed to convince me to buy a liter and a half of Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum as well as a liter and a half of Pinnacle Whipped Vodka for his birthday celebrations!  Shane and I decided pre-gaming it up before the concert was the best option and proceeded to match one another shot for shot!  Sarah had agreed to be our designated driver for the night so Shane and I were free to drink ourselves stupid.  And we did.  Shortly before it was time to leave, Shane's neighbor Ryan shows up with a bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey.  We get the bright idea to to mimic the 4 horseman shot and created what we dubbed the Triforce Triskellion.  Surprisingly, it was delicious . . . unfortunately, it was 6 shots later in 15 minutes delish!  By the time Sarah managed to stuff Shane and I into her car we were beyond thrashed!

                                                   Dangerous, Deady, Delishish Deviance!

Ryan made the comment that if you puke your not Irish!  I managed to match my brother shot for shot the entire night and I never puked once.  I didn't move from the couch until almost 3 p.m. on Sunday but I never threw up.  Shane, on the other hand, managed to puke behind a very disgusting dumpster at an extremely shady Circle K in a not so nice area of Akron, at the not so well kept bathroom in Peabody's, behind a tree in some very nice families yard, all over his and Sarah's bed and managed to make it into the toilet a few times as well. 

He is going to kill me when he reads this by the way! 

But we had a blast!  Sarah and him know way more about me then they ever needed to thanks to my liquor induced verbal diarrhea and I survived my first face shredding metal concert!

Cheers!

Face shredding does not sound pleasant!

So because I love my brother dearly, I bought three tickets to Children of Bodom at Peabody's in Cleveland this weekend for his birthday.  I am taking Shane and his girlfriend Sarah to Melt for dinner and then to the concert.  It will be the longest they have left Griff with grandpa since he was born so Sarah is a little hesitant as all new mothers are.  But they have agreed to have a little fun sans the little one. 

When I told Shane I had bought the tickets, his reply was, "Be prepared to have your face shredded off!"  That doesn't sound like a very pleasant experience to me though.  I am not exactly sure what face shredding involves but it can't be good.  Shane suggested I listen to some of their music before the show to prepare myself.  So this morning, I plugged Children of Bodom into Pandora and was jamming out to some death metal when Andy came downstairs.  His immediate response included something along the lines of "What the hell are you listening to!"  Not my usual Celtic rock or top 40 hits there.

Speaking of Celtic rock, last weekend my aunt and cousins drove the three and a half hours up to Michigan to see Flogging Molly and it was amazing!  They are my all time favorite band!  We rocked out and Maddie and I even braved the mosh pit!!!!  The Catholic, Irish boys were even polite enough to pick us up off the ground when we were slammed to the floor and made sure we are alright before continuing their smash fest.  Sarah commented that she would be avoiding the mosh pit this weekend though at the Children of Bodom concert.  I told her I would be joining her in that abstinence because frankly I don't think those boys will be as polite.  Though I should not judge, who knows how they will behave.  The whole concert kinda scares me though.  I have never experienced death metal live so this will be interesting.  But I need to keep an open mind and experience the music. 

I am super excited to be starting my vacation in 3 days though.  I am venturing home to visit my adorable nephew Griff and the rest of the family too!  And will be staying for 9 whole days!!  This will be my longest trip home in several years and I have lots of plans to hang with family and friends including a birthday celebration. 

Happy Birthday Bro!

Strange Sex . . . or so my husband thinks!

So I made Andy take me out for Mexican once he finally woke up this evening and it was delicious by the way.  Yummy chile poblano!

Anyways when we got home from dinner, he turned on the television and Strange Sex was on.  My interest was immediately sparked, even though I was supposed to be baking a cake and some beer bread and oh yea studying Chemistry and A & P.  But I was intrigued.  The episode was about a very non-traditional polyamorous family.  The one husband/father had begun dating another woman and she commented that she had always been interested in a polyamorous lifestyle.  My husband decides to chime in at this point and very ignorantly claims "well that is because she is a slut".  As many of you can imagine, I just stood there glaring at him.  I would have shook my head and said he was unbeleivable but I know him better than that by now.  Shit like that comes out of his mouth all the time.

So I asked him if he really thought she was a slut, and of course the response I got was "well yea".  So then I accused him of being a sexist pig.  I, of course, tried to argue that it was a double standard and women should have the same sexual freedoms as men without the social stigma.  His response, as always, went back to science, natural selection and animal instincts.  He said we humans are pack animals like wolves and lions, where a typical pride is comprised of one male and many females.  This, allows for a greater success rate of propagating the species. The strongest male with the best genes will rule the pack spreading his seed to the next generation. 

My retort back involved a speech about how natural selection is no longer applicable in today society and how our species has grown in numbers so large there is no need for each of us to reproduce.  Plus I threw in the fact that I am infertile and can't reproduce in the first place. But he still refused to concede and still thinks that chick was a slut who just wants to sleep around. 

My usual sigh followed and then I swore at him under my breath.

Men. *shakes head*


For some reason I cannot post a reply to comments.  Frustrating!

So in response to Starshine's comment:

Oh it is!  He was saying it was alright for men to sleep with as many women as they want but women are sluts if they sleep with more than one man.  He believes polygyny is perfectly natural from a natural selection perspective but polyandry is not. The family on the show was comprised of one woman, two men and their son living together in a polyamorous relationship where no one was married but everyone was committed yet they could seek out additional partners if they so choose.  It was an interesting conversation.  You had the biologist and sociologist butting heads!

Blame it on the vodka . . .

So that last blog post was EPIC FAIL!

I had great inspiration at one point and had plans for this cleaver and witty post but had not had the time yet to write it.  So the other night I decided I needed to write something and I forced out a dry, uninteresting and a few too many paragraphs long post, that I am sure no one finished reading.

The original inspiration came with the help of vodka though, and unfortunately, I had not had anything while writing the other night.  That was my problem.  I needed to recreate the moment of genius and alas I failed!

So I contemplated rewriting it or even deleting it altogether but then thought better of it.

Not everything I write can be a master piece right?  Not everything has to be perfect or even funny.  

It is what it is.

And I should let it be.  At least that is what Andy is always trying to tell me.  I am just too much of a perfectionist and am often my hardest critic.

So I thought maybe I would post something I was proud of having written.  We decided for our wedding that Andy and I were going to write our own vows.  I spent many hours online researching and reading and trying to decide what I wanted to say.  Much thought and love and effort went into my en devour.  Andy on the other hand showed up and asked Randy to pull up some wedding vows on his iPhone in a last minute attempt at romance since he had not prepared anything despite my prenuptial reminders.  Not surprisingly, he failed at finding anything remotely appropriate and ended up winging it in all that Andy fashion.  I am sure you can picture my face at that point . . . shaking head, rolling eyes and all.

But here is what I said for those of you who were not in attendance:

I, Laura Branning, choose you, Andrew Smith, to be my husband, my friend, my lover and the father of my children.  I vow to respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you and to grow with you throughout all the seasons of life.  From this day forward, you shall not walk alone.  My heart will be your shelter, and my arms will be your home.

I cannot take credit for originality though.  They are wedding vows.  I stole all kinds of shit from all over the place and put it all together. 

And with that I shall say goodnight.